If you know me then this comes as no surprise but if you don’t know me then here’s the kicker kids. I’m a loser. Been a loser my whole life. Though I’ve come to terms with this and in fact have become accustomed to my loserhood, I feel some shame and sorrow that my loserdom is affecting others. I’m a failed baseball player, boxer, college student, son, brother, boyfriend and overall citizen of Texas. Hell I even have to share a birthday with Jesus. Who wins there? You may be saying to yourself, ‘Damn! He sucks. What’s on TBS?’ and you’d be right to do so but it’s not me or TBS that you need to be concerned with. It’s those with whom I surround myself with. As you may have read before I am an avid Dallas Cowboys fan, and as you may have read, they suck. My Rangers this season had a serious run and awesome chance to win the World Series. They lost. This is obviously my fault. My shitty losersuck is now affecting those that I love and causing them to lose. So it is for this reason that I must cancel my plans to go sky diving with my mother.
One of my favorite comedians is Arj Barker. Granted I didn’t know who he was til I saw him on Flight of the Concords but after YouTube and Comedy Central specials I am well aqauinted with his material. So, of course, it concened me after I read his twitter bio that twitter refused to give him a blue check. What the hell is a blue check? Why doesn’t Arj have a blue check? More importantly, why the hell don’t I have a blue check? I can tell you one thing, the people with blue checks sure as hell don’t twit with those of us who don’t have blue checks. That has brought me to a conclusion. BLUE CHECKS ARE THE SHIT!! And if you have a blue check then you are given access to a higher realm of existance and are in fact allowed to be jaundiced towards the non-blue checkers. Actually I’m jaundiced towards the blue checkers. Actually I just learned today that jaundice had two definitions and wanted to use it in a blog. I’m not a blue checker, nor am I yellow.
Maybe it’s my over inflated ego but I think the Dallas Cowboys are testing me personally. Let me explain. You see I’m a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan. I was a Cowboys fan before I was even born. I know this because my dad told me so. But for the last 12 years I believe the Dallas Cowboys are testing my loyalty. I think Jerry Jones has set the whole organization to test me personally. Like God tested Job so America’s Team tests me. I live on the edge of my seat every game poised to etiher jump to celebration and glee or to slump in sadness and despair. Every game, week and season the Cowboys make it harder for me to defend my fanaticism. But I do. I make no appologies for being a Cowboys fan and I will forever be a Cowboys fan. So Jerry Jones! If you are trying to drive me away then know now you will fail. Besides where would I go? When you’ve been a Cowboys fan as long as I have been then you can’t just get up and pick a new team. There isn’t a team in the NFC that I don’t have beef with. So that puts me over to the AFC. Then who? The Texans? They were an indoor team in Dallas when I was in the 3rd grade. They sucked then, they suck now. Steelers? Fuck that! I’ll ride with the Cowboys til I die.