You think this is easy?

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It’s hard for me to come up with stuff to write. Oh I have ideas and stories running thru my head all the time. It’s just difficult for me to put it in the written word. You see first and foremost I want my stories to be funny. This doesn’t neccessarily mean that I must be funny (though I think I am) but if I’m not gonna be funny then I constantly have to be on the look-out for stories that our funny. Believe me, when you are as self absorbed as I am, then there is nothing worse than having to listen to other peoples stories trying sift through all the tripe and pick the best ones to steal. Secondly I want my stories to be smart. This doesn’t neccessarily mean that I have to be smart (though I feel that I am) it just means that I have to write enough big words in a row that make me seem smart without being condescending. (Condesceding means I talk down to people.) So now I have to steal stories that are funny and make me seem smart. I decide that stealing these stories is more work than I am willing to put forth so I set out to right my own. I take from parts of my life and embellish where need be and then just lie when I don’t feel that what really took place is funny enough to print. After I have written the story then I must proof read and edit. Reading what I have written is like like trying to follow a blind man thru a mall. My thoughts are so scattered brained and degressive that I don’t even know where to start to chronclize. After I have finally put my thoughts in some sort of order and cleverly hidden any evidence that the story I told is a lie then I set to publish on the world wide web…only to have no one recognize my work. Hours and days and weeks of thinking, sifting, stealing and editing gone with no acclaim. You think this is easy?

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